Chances are you’ve never dated a corporation before. But don’t be intimidated. This can be a fun and an exciting opportunity…  as long as you follow the corporation-dating rules.

1.         Consider your options. There are a lot of corporations out there. Is this really the best corporation out there? Is this corporation “the one?” Or should you keep looking?

2.         Don’t seem too eager to get involved. Remember, corporations are predatory by nature and enjoy a chase.

3.         Do a background check. What kind of relationships has this corporation had in the past? What is the corporation’s track history, can they be trusted?

4.         Investigate the company the corporation keeps. Who is on its board of directors? Have any been indicted?

5.         Check out the corporation’s assets and figures. How do they look? Are they appealing to you?

6.         Say that you’re fiscally conservative but socially liberal. Corporations find this very sexy.

7.         Make sure you wait before you give up any of your assets. Corporations lose interest when you give it up right away. Demand a lasting relationship not a lay-off.

8.         Don’t over invest. Nothing hurts more than giving without getting.

9.         Resist the “urge to merge.” Mergers often look appealing but they tend to be messy and almost always hurt when they end.

10.       Assume the worst. Corporations have a one track mind and they can’t wait to get their hands on your goods.

11.       And last but not least…Protect yourself. Corporations can be very reckless and you never really know how many people this corporation has screwed.

Writing for the Supreme Court majority, Justice Anthony Kennedy said the Supreme Court rejects "the argument that political speech of corporations or other associations should be treated differently under the First Amendment simply because such associations are not 'natural persons.'" In other words, just so everyone understands: "This makes Corporations people too". You can't make this stuff up.